“The Book of The Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it, day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that’s written in it; for then you’ll make your way prosperous, and then you’ll have good success.” – Joshua 1:8
For over 30 years, my life has been one of hardship, complete struggle, and I must admit, it’s by my own making! I used countless excuses why I couldn’t leave the “street life” alone. I realized just recently, or I should say, God recently showed me in my actions, the definition of insanity.
I’ve heard the Word – countless times – sitting in classes where a warrior of The Lord’s army would come into one of the jails, institutions, or prisons I’d find myself in, and they would be teaching of how Jesus wants to bring me out of insanity and place me into abundant blessings. I see myself, even now, sitting in those church services shouting “Amen” – “Glory” – and then going back to my pod, not having a clue how insanity connects to my lifestyle.
I would eventually get out, be released back into society, and go back to the same thing. The same people and the same experiences in cycles of 3-4 months. Then God would rescue me again and I’d be in the county coming off drugs, near dead… and get fat while attending classes in jail, and say to myself, “I’m gonna do better this time.” Mind you, I haven’t made the connection to Christ yet. This would become a never-ending cycle until I started getting sick and tired of the same degrading factors of street life…living under bridges, alleys, buses, trains… to stay out of bad weather; doing some of anything vile to receive money for my drug habit; allowing myself to be abused…even abusing myself.
Through all of this, I can now see God’s hand in keeping me, yet I’m one that chose to walk through the fire to really see God’s saving grace at hand. Studying the Word one night recently, late at night, not a soul up but me and Christ…Christ started showing me scenes in my life, where patterns were formed, which led up to my record being a test and testimony: 7 TDCJ (prison) numbers, 42 arrests, numerous probation, and numerous paroles. Then Christ got real, showing me – getting out… going back… getting out… going back… getting out…. going back… THE LIGHTBULB WENT OFF CLEAR AS DAY – INSANITY!
I cried out to God then and there, totally surrendering my life to Christ, asking for a new start and a new way. He immediately helped me find a new start, a new town with a recovery program, wrapped in the loving arms of Christians that will help me, show me, and guide me along the way. Being connected to them will continue to bring God’s blessings into my life and allow me to have success and prosper in Christ. My mess has become my message of the Messiah’s saving grace!
